My life is beguiling. My luck has held. Skimming the surface or dredging the depths. Full of stops and starts. Hopes and dreams. One failure after another but a winner all the way. Bursts of drama, of mostly my own making, laughter, tears and secret dread. Imaginary and real chains pulling me into depths of darkness and the will to drag my self back and stay afloat.
Nothing that shows on the surface is real. Smiles, laughter, apparent calm. Nor is everything else simmering beneath real.
So this is life...my life...lived much, loved much. Come a long way, possibly more to go....
The joke is on me as is the winning hand...living my lie as truthfully as I can....
Monday, November 20, 2017
Monday, October 30, 2017
Review of Eurydice
Torn between worlds... that evening I cried with Eurydice....
"How does a person remember to forget? "
"...Just dip your self in the river ..." ( the river of forgetfulness)
With these lines etched somewhere in the very depth of my being, eyes brimming with tears and an aching heart I slipped out of the still darkened open air amphitheatre. The sweet aroma of incense filled my nostrils and strains of music drifted as I walked to my vehicle.
I sat quietly for awhile before driving off, clutching a plate appetizing mushroom pasta purchased at the theatre. I was hoping to eat whilst watching the play. However, as I watched the poignant drama unfold before me, my need for food paled in urgency.
It was indeed a beautiful evening at the Western Province Aesthetic Resort, open air amphitheatre. Weather gods were kind and the gentlest of breezes caressed the audience comfortably perched on Bean Bags. The atmosphere was charged with a sense of mystery. The sound of water, lights and heady wafts of incense heightened the urgency and mood of the evening.
This was the setting for Eurydice, a play by Sarah Ruhl which retells the Greek myth of Orpheus from the perspective of Eurydice, his wife. The Cue Theatre Co did justice to the nuances of this beautiful play by creating an absolutely hypnotic theatre experience for the Sri Lankan Audience by way of a genre called symphonic drama which brought in elements of outdoor theatre, music, dance, drama and creative lighting.
Myths live on in the hearts of people for centuries because at the very core of it is a truth common to all humanity. Orpheus and Eurydice are both young, both in love. As the play progresses it also sheds light on deeper truths of unity, fear, loss and the very real fear of being alone. These human vulnerabilities and emotions were portrayed by the young cast of Cue Theatre Co with such depth and poignancy that the truth hurt, also touched and healed in turn.
Sarah Ruhls Eurydice was not all sadness. It was also a play that had loads of humour, whimsy and charm. It lent it self not only to the depths of its audience souls but also enhanced and refreshed and elevated its senses.
It was indeed edifying to experienice the ancient myth of Orpheus with Ruhls touch of modernist whimsy and the clever direction and playful elegance of the Cue Theatre Co...all this combined made for an evening that would remain with me for always.
"How does a person remember to forget? "
"...Just dip your self in the river ..." ( the river of forgetfulness)
With these lines etched somewhere in the very depth of my being, eyes brimming with tears and an aching heart I slipped out of the still darkened open air amphitheatre. The sweet aroma of incense filled my nostrils and strains of music drifted as I walked to my vehicle.
I sat quietly for awhile before driving off, clutching a plate appetizing mushroom pasta purchased at the theatre. I was hoping to eat whilst watching the play. However, as I watched the poignant drama unfold before me, my need for food paled in urgency.
It was indeed a beautiful evening at the Western Province Aesthetic Resort, open air amphitheatre. Weather gods were kind and the gentlest of breezes caressed the audience comfortably perched on Bean Bags. The atmosphere was charged with a sense of mystery. The sound of water, lights and heady wafts of incense heightened the urgency and mood of the evening.
This was the setting for Eurydice, a play by Sarah Ruhl which retells the Greek myth of Orpheus from the perspective of Eurydice, his wife. The Cue Theatre Co did justice to the nuances of this beautiful play by creating an absolutely hypnotic theatre experience for the Sri Lankan Audience by way of a genre called symphonic drama which brought in elements of outdoor theatre, music, dance, drama and creative lighting.
Myths live on in the hearts of people for centuries because at the very core of it is a truth common to all humanity. Orpheus and Eurydice are both young, both in love. As the play progresses it also sheds light on deeper truths of unity, fear, loss and the very real fear of being alone. These human vulnerabilities and emotions were portrayed by the young cast of Cue Theatre Co with such depth and poignancy that the truth hurt, also touched and healed in turn.
Sarah Ruhls Eurydice was not all sadness. It was also a play that had loads of humour, whimsy and charm. It lent it self not only to the depths of its audience souls but also enhanced and refreshed and elevated its senses.
It was indeed edifying to experienice the ancient myth of Orpheus with Ruhls touch of modernist whimsy and the clever direction and playful elegance of the Cue Theatre Co...all this combined made for an evening that would remain with me for always.
She....
At 6.45 in the morning the Rajagiriya Welikada Junction is a busy place. Vehicles make their way to the busy A 40 route reaching Colombo or the suburbs or drive through the intersection towards Nawala. The new overhead bridge looms over the hundreds of vehicles teeming beneath it, horns blaring, private bus drivers race each other to be first to reach the next bus stop. Motor cyclists and three wheelers deftly cut through the traffic to be first to line up at the intersection in a race for life itself. A lone policeman valiently try to bring some order to this chaos.
I wait impatiently for the policeman to wave me through and watch the hundreds of commuters each preoccupied with thoughts of the day ahead. Some gaze vacantly out of buses and vans. Couples, so obviously married for donkeys ears, seated together in their vehicles, glumly munching on sandwiches and gazing anywhere and everywhere other than at each other.
Everything just as it should be and expected to be at 6.45 on a busy weekday at the Rajagiriya,Welikada Junction.
Exceptfor this one incongruous sight.
My mind first engaged as I began to notice the gaze of commuters facing different directions come alive and focus in one direction. I followed their gaze to a woman standing, somehow conspiciously alone under the King Parakramabahu VI statue. Obviously waiting to cross the road but seemingly not in any hurry even though the vehicles were not moving and cross she could if she wanted.
She just simply stood there... nonchalant, at ease and unhurried. A conspicuous figure, dressed to attract and scintillate and possibly would have in the shadows of the night, but in the glaring white light of the day rather threadbare and frayed at the edges. The wearer too looked as though she was hardly in any mood to either attract or scintillate. Just quietly standing in the middle of the intersection under the scrutiny of a thousand eyes. But, she was not alone . At her feet with its face gently and lovingly resting on her sligtly bent protruding knee was a street dog, She was rubbing its head, tugging and tickling behind its ears. The dog was nuzzling closer and closer to her seeking her warmth and friendship and she in turn giving it all the love it sought.
A street dog and woman unabashedly seeking and receiving from each other love and comfort. Oblivious of the most incongruous of places and the most ungoldy hour or of the thousand gazes frozen on them. Each gaze seeing what it wants to see or capable of seeing.
Then she moves, across the road, through the motor cycles, three wheelers and busses. The dog at her heels. Vehicles slowly come to life, I drive away...its a long day ahead, but this moment stays in my mind.
This sliver of a moment before she ends a long night and those around her begin a long day.
I wait impatiently for the policeman to wave me through and watch the hundreds of commuters each preoccupied with thoughts of the day ahead. Some gaze vacantly out of buses and vans. Couples, so obviously married for donkeys ears, seated together in their vehicles, glumly munching on sandwiches and gazing anywhere and everywhere other than at each other.
Everything just as it should be and expected to be at 6.45 on a busy weekday at the Rajagiriya,Welikada Junction.
Exceptfor this one incongruous sight.
My mind first engaged as I began to notice the gaze of commuters facing different directions come alive and focus in one direction. I followed their gaze to a woman standing, somehow conspiciously alone under the King Parakramabahu VI statue. Obviously waiting to cross the road but seemingly not in any hurry even though the vehicles were not moving and cross she could if she wanted.
She just simply stood there... nonchalant, at ease and unhurried. A conspicuous figure, dressed to attract and scintillate and possibly would have in the shadows of the night, but in the glaring white light of the day rather threadbare and frayed at the edges. The wearer too looked as though she was hardly in any mood to either attract or scintillate. Just quietly standing in the middle of the intersection under the scrutiny of a thousand eyes. But, she was not alone . At her feet with its face gently and lovingly resting on her sligtly bent protruding knee was a street dog, She was rubbing its head, tugging and tickling behind its ears. The dog was nuzzling closer and closer to her seeking her warmth and friendship and she in turn giving it all the love it sought.
A street dog and woman unabashedly seeking and receiving from each other love and comfort. Oblivious of the most incongruous of places and the most ungoldy hour or of the thousand gazes frozen on them. Each gaze seeing what it wants to see or capable of seeing.
Then she moves, across the road, through the motor cycles, three wheelers and busses. The dog at her heels. Vehicles slowly come to life, I drive away...its a long day ahead, but this moment stays in my mind.
This sliver of a moment before she ends a long night and those around her begin a long day.
Sunday, October 29, 2017
My life as it is
My life is beguiling. My luck has held. Skimming the surface or dredging the depths. Full of stops and starts. Hopes and dreams. One failure after another but a winner all the way. Bursts of drama, of mostly my own making, laughter, tears and secret dread. Imaginary and real chains pulling me into depths of darkness and the will to drag my self back and stay afloat.
Nothing that shows on the surface is real. Smiles, laughter, apparent calm. Nor is everything else simmering beneath real.
So this is life...my life...lived much, loved much. Come a long way, possibly more to go....
The joke is on me as is the winning hand...Living my lie as truthfully as I can.
Sunday, October 15, 2017
Of late I'v avoided a known face. It happened overtime. Quietly, without much thought we avoided looking each other in the eye. The long deep and searching gaze a thing of the past. I look and hastily look away with an unsettling twinge deep within. Knowing that I didn't give my best, that I indulged my senses a tad too much and have paid the price in loyalty. In my hasty looking away I glimpse an equally defeated eye ... a sense of fear, resignation? Maybe....
This, my reflection, my friend from the past, now distant and withdrawing. Today I thought, enough of this. My friend and constant companion, if I not love thee, who will. I bravely stood in front of the mirror. At first my eyes slide away. I force them back on this dear familier self. Same but yet not the same. Quietly I pick out the unfamiliar, the strange. Frown lines newly formed on my brow. Clamouring to surface in deep undulating waves....strange and new but as I keep gazing, .... beautiful!!! Yes beautiful.
This amuses me and break out in a smile, only to be startled with more unfamiliar...lines, gossamare fine webed the corners of my eyes....unfamiliar ..yet strangely...those fine lines reach out to twine round my heart....yes..I'm in love...
So I continue to stare long and deep into dulled eyes and scorched skin fast losing its sheen. A downward curve to the mouth and a not too slight hint of jowl cheeks and chin. A wave to my old paternal aunts.
So with each passing minute that I stood to stare I found my friend again. Deep within the fading skin and hair the same familier twinkle....still me....still with me.... ready to walk the rest of the path unfolding ahead....maybe a new adventure. Together and comfortable in each others presence.
This, my reflection, my friend from the past, now distant and withdrawing. Today I thought, enough of this. My friend and constant companion, if I not love thee, who will. I bravely stood in front of the mirror. At first my eyes slide away. I force them back on this dear familier self. Same but yet not the same. Quietly I pick out the unfamiliar, the strange. Frown lines newly formed on my brow. Clamouring to surface in deep undulating waves....strange and new but as I keep gazing, .... beautiful!!! Yes beautiful.
This amuses me and break out in a smile, only to be startled with more unfamiliar...lines, gossamare fine webed the corners of my eyes....unfamiliar ..yet strangely...those fine lines reach out to twine round my heart....yes..I'm in love...
So I continue to stare long and deep into dulled eyes and scorched skin fast losing its sheen. A downward curve to the mouth and a not too slight hint of jowl cheeks and chin. A wave to my old paternal aunts.
So with each passing minute that I stood to stare I found my friend again. Deep within the fading skin and hair the same familier twinkle....still me....still with me.... ready to walk the rest of the path unfolding ahead....maybe a new adventure. Together and comfortable in each others presence.
Friday, October 13, 2017
Pendulum
I wished to ' just be'. Wished to do nothing. ' Oh please, just let me be' my refrain. To be alone, eat on my own, seek out lonely places. My most vivid childhood memory is of climbing the wild and steep hill behind my house on my own with a book in hand, to sit on a rock outcrop and gaze at the valley beneath me, oblivious to the dangers that lurked ...snakes, wild boar or more.
So now I sit alone, in this beautiful lonely place. They let me 'just be'.
I'm certain the universe hears our plea...what you consciously or unconsciously voice out to the universe and open yourself out to becomes. The universe knows no good or evil, social structure, convention or form. What you ask for comes to you. It may leave chaos in its path. But Chaos and destruction of form and convention is but a speck of dust in the path of the goddess of nature.
It is true...be careful of what you ask for, you just may get it. When your thoughts become actions in space.
So I sit, surrounded by nature, alone, quiet, not much to do and not much expected of me and certainly not much energy to give either. Life is quiet and good. It's still ....
But then I wonder. Is this it. Now what? This, the one wild life I get. Do I sit around doing nothing. I get worried. I rack my brain to think of one thing I want to do, a passion, an interest that would last longer than two weeks. Long enough to propel me out of my bed or chair and to action.
A wise one once told me that at the end of the day this whole existence is but a thought. She adviced me on how to reduce thought. Is it my call to tread this path? Many a times I've been propelled on to this path, only to regress. The pull of the illusion that is life still strong and ego driving it all. So I keep thinking. So much to do, so much to achieve. Look around at the output of the world and find my existence wanting. Then try my hand at all this beauty that allure. To see it all, to grab it all. maybe a poem, sketch, grow a plant, photography, read, write or travel. It's good, it's got to be good. I love and admire it all and need to be part of it. But....I'm already bored, tired and restless and find myself going back to the path of non doing.
Back on the path .... The path of non doing....what I wanted, what I asked for and longed for...till the next burst of energy and resultant anxiety.
Maybe one day it will cease....this pendulum of thought.
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